Talking to kids about sex

What do kids need to know about sex? Our guidelines can help you.

These are general guidelines listing specific things children need to know about sexuality and sexual health at different ages.

Children and their parents are the experts on what each individual child may need to know.

we give babies a sense of themselves from birth by the way we hold, touch, and talk to them
it’s normal for babies to explore their bodies—they learn quickly that touching their sex organs feels good
help them name the parts of their body (“this is your nose… your knee… your penis… your vulva… your foot”, etc.)

begin talking about the differences between boys’ and girls’ sex organs
simple explanations of where babies come from (use scientific terms: the sperm meets the ovum (egg) and the baby grows in the uterus (womb) and is born through the vagina)
differences between Good and Bad Touch
do not pick up condoms (i.e. when found on the playground)

information about menses (menstruation) and nocturnal emissions (wet dreams)
body changes at puberty
masturbation is very common at this age—we must reassure kids that it is normal and okay but only in a private place
information about sexual identity, sexual orientation, and non-stereotyped gender roles

puberty (male and female body changes, menstruation, wet dreams, emotional and social changes) happens at different times for different bodies and that is perfectly normal
reassure them that they are normal (regarding their sexual feelings and thoughts and their looks, etc.)
what is a healthy relationship (friendship/romantic)
need to know that not all teens are sexually active
begin to sexual decision making and setting limits
sexually transmitted infection and birth control information
the media’s influence on our perception of social roles of males and females and body image, etc.

relationship skills
communication skills
refusal skills (how to say no to sexual activity or how to set their own sexual limits)
awareness of their own values
diversity in sexuality—sexual orientations and sexual practices
personal definition of abstinence
rights and responsibility for their sexuality and choices
correct use of the birth control methods and their effectiveness
sexually transmitted infection information (prevention, symptoms, treatment, etc.)

remember we are all sexual beings
sexuality includes far more than sexual intercourse
be aware of your own values and beliefs about sexuality
reassure children that their development is normal
if you don’t know they answer to your child’s question, find out and get back to them with the answer
be honest

For further information,

This page was last updated on Jul 10, 2006.